Well, my dear friends, pigs, and future ball players, a new year is here, and I'm going to try to put that ugly 2011 in the grave. Wow that was a tough one, and I'm grateful that's it over. Of course 2012 has started out with its challenges already. Of course it wouldn't be my life if things would cooperate. I'll muster though through it and keep my head up high and my cock rock solid.
I started the year with trying to get back on the healthy lifestyle routine. The holidays reeked havoc on my diet; I put on over 10 pounds. I swear to god, I can just look at food and I put weight on through some form of sick and twisted osmosis. I wasn't able to exercise this past week because the room where my weights and elliptical hang out was cluttered with our 20 plus crates of Christmas decorations. Yes, we're that gay! Give it a rest guys, I make no excuses for loving Christmas and decorating every room in our house. On the plus side, hauling all that crap up and down two flights of stairs is a great work out. Fortunately we used yesterday to take everything down and packed it all up. I'm exhausted! It amazes me how quickly it all comes down, but it takes over 4 days to get it all up. Starting Monday, its salads and 60 minutes on the elliptical. I'll shed the weight and hopefully by summer I'll be speedo ready. A girl cane dream, can't she?
So, I like to think of myself as a fairly decent auto-friendly kind of gay. Hey, I can take an engine apart and put it back together. However, the other day, I'm driving back from visiting Cruella, and my car's engine sounded like a tank. Clank, clank, tap, tap, Grrrr! Ok, so the "Change Oil Soon" light has been on for like a month, but I always ignore it. I only change my oil every 6,000 miles. You really don't need to change it every 3,000. I pulled into my driveway, and popped the hood. Damn, my engine sounds horrible. Hmmmmm, I think I should check the oil. Sure enough, not one drop on the dipstick! Holy Crap! Where the fuck did the oil go? I put 2 quarts of oil in my poor Ruffymobile, and finally it reads on the dipstick. Turn on the engine and he purrs. Guess I won't be ignoring my "Messages" on the dashboard anymore. I just hope I don't have an oil leak somewhere. There's no way we can afford a car repair right now.
As I mentioned previously, we were struggling to dig up $8,000 for the Hubster's tuition. Well, through clever manipulation, I was able to take a hardship withdraw against my 401K. Not really something I wanted to do, but there weren't any other options. Family, you say? Yeah, right! Oh well. So, yesterday, I check the mail, and there's another invoice from the University. Now they want another $5,000. For the love of God! Don't know where I'm going to pull that golden nugget from. Fortunately financial aid covers the bulk of his tuition, but that $5K is the remaining balance for just one semester. Education should not cost $30K a year! That's what's wrong with this country! Well, donations to Ruffy's poor house are greatly appreciated; just saying. Guess, I'll start selling off our porn collection and toys!! Hey any interest in my cum and piss soaked jocks?
With all things Ruffy, we'll get through this, as I'm sure there's more to come. After all its only the beginning of 2012. I'll keep my paws crossed!
Now for another entry in Cruella's Crazy Corner!
Last week I thought it would be nice to take mom out for a New Years Day lunch. Granted she's on a restricted diet, but I figured a diner would be able to accommodate her needs. Well I thought it would.
We, sit down, and look over the menu.
Cruella: "There's nothing on here I can eat!"
Me: "There's plenty of options, look they have chicken, ham, mashed potatoes...."
Cruella: "I eat that crap every day."
Me: "OK, well, I can't help the fact your options are limited."
After 5 minutes, the waitress comes over to take our order.....
Waitress: "What would you like?"
Me: "We need more time, sorry."
After 25 horrifying minutes, Cruella finally decides on what she can eat from the hundreds of items on the menu.
Waitress: "OK, Honey, what would you like?"
Cruella: " I want the Baked Virginia Ham, with mashed potatoes and cottage cheese."
Waitress: "I'm sorry we're out of cottage cheese."
Cruella: (Rolling her eyes) "What kind of diner is this...SIGH" FINE, I'll have a double order of mashed."
By this time the stress in my body is building to the point where I feel like my shoulders are up to my earlobes.
The food arrives....
Cruella: "This is process ham, not real ham, I CAN'T EAT THIS!"
For the record she could have eaten it.
Waitress: "OK, would you like the chicken instead?"
Cruella: *SIGH* "I suppose!"
As Cruella begins eating her mashed potatoes waiting for her chicken, the tears start...
Cruella: "You should just take me back home. I should have never gone out. I hate my life. You're never going to take me out to lunch again."
Me: "Umm, you're right, I'm not going to take you out to eat again, you're rude and very difficult."
Cruella: "Sobbing..."
Me: "One of your other children can take you out, I do enough for you!"
The waitress brings her an enormous half of roasted chicken.
Cruella: "Well that's better."
No thank you, nothing! The poor waitress just wants us to leave.
Of course, now that she has something to eat, all the tears stop and the conversation continues about stupid mindless things. Of course confusing the name of her sister with that of my sister.
Me: "Mom, your sister is Joyce not Grace."
Cruella: "I know that!"
Me: "You keep getting them confused."
Cruella: "No I don't, I want some vanilla ice cream."
I order her some vanilla ice cream, and I think the waitress wanted to throw it in her face.
Cruella: " I CAN'T EAT THIS! That's french vanilla, its made with EGGS!"
Me: "Then don't eat it!"
Cruella: "Why did you take me here, this diner sucks!" Loud enough for everyone in the diner to hear.
I quickly pay the bill and get her ass in the car!
Tuesday morning I get a call from Cruella in tears.
Cruella: "Sam, I need Imodium, please bring me Imodium.
Me: " I'll see what I can do, ask the nurses for some."
Cruella: "They never believe me!"
Me: "OK I'll bring you some."
I call her Doctor. I wanted to check, because with diverticulitis, I don't think your supposed to just pop Imodium like candy.
Her Doctor freaks out and informs me any medication she takes has to come from him via the nurses.
I call Cruella back.
Me: "Mom, I spoke to your doctor and he said you can't have Imodium unless you ask the nurses and he orders it. You can't self medicate any more, that's why your in the home."
Cruella: "FINE" and hangs up on me.
I quickly alert my siblings about the situation and how they can't give her drugs anymore. Sure enough I get an email from my older sister. "Can mom have Imodium, she just called to have me bring her some." That tricky old lady tried to go behind my back. Hmmmm
Friday morning I get another call from Cruella in tears.
Cruella: "Sam, call the doctor, the nurses aren't helping me, I have diarrhea and its pure black. That means I'm hemorrhaging inside. They aren't doing anything for me."
Me: "What? OK, I'll call the nurses station and see what's going on.
I call, and speak to the nurse and he informs me the doctor has ordered Imodium for her and they are checking on her. Ugh, why is she calling me?
Later that afternoon, I drive up to check on her. I walk in her room, and there on the bed is a mini pharmacy. Apparently the nurses went through her hidden stash of OTC drugs, to see what she's been up to. She was not a happy camper.
Cruella: "They made me take out everything. They wanted to make sure I didn't take something that could have caused all this diarrhea."
Me: "Well the doctor said you can't have certain things, and they want to make sure you're not hurting yourself.
Then I look and see a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Me: "Have you been taking this?"
Cruella: "Yes, my stomach has been upset."
Me: "Do the nurses know?"
Cruella: "Yes, and they aren't doing anything for my blood in the stool, its was black, I'm hemorrhaging."
Me: "Your stool is black because of the Pepto Bismol , it turns your stool black! You know that!"
Cruella: "No it doesn't!"
Me: "Give me that bottle!"
I took the bottle!
UGH! All that drama for nothing!
I started the year with trying to get back on the healthy lifestyle routine. The holidays reeked havoc on my diet; I put on over 10 pounds. I swear to god, I can just look at food and I put weight on through some form of sick and twisted osmosis. I wasn't able to exercise this past week because the room where my weights and elliptical hang out was cluttered with our 20 plus crates of Christmas decorations. Yes, we're that gay! Give it a rest guys, I make no excuses for loving Christmas and decorating every room in our house. On the plus side, hauling all that crap up and down two flights of stairs is a great work out. Fortunately we used yesterday to take everything down and packed it all up. I'm exhausted! It amazes me how quickly it all comes down, but it takes over 4 days to get it all up. Starting Monday, its salads and 60 minutes on the elliptical. I'll shed the weight and hopefully by summer I'll be speedo ready. A girl cane dream, can't she?
So, I like to think of myself as a fairly decent auto-friendly kind of gay. Hey, I can take an engine apart and put it back together. However, the other day, I'm driving back from visiting Cruella, and my car's engine sounded like a tank. Clank, clank, tap, tap, Grrrr! Ok, so the "Change Oil Soon" light has been on for like a month, but I always ignore it. I only change my oil every 6,000 miles. You really don't need to change it every 3,000. I pulled into my driveway, and popped the hood. Damn, my engine sounds horrible. Hmmmmm, I think I should check the oil. Sure enough, not one drop on the dipstick! Holy Crap! Where the fuck did the oil go? I put 2 quarts of oil in my poor Ruffymobile, and finally it reads on the dipstick. Turn on the engine and he purrs. Guess I won't be ignoring my "Messages" on the dashboard anymore. I just hope I don't have an oil leak somewhere. There's no way we can afford a car repair right now.
As I mentioned previously, we were struggling to dig up $8,000 for the Hubster's tuition. Well, through clever manipulation, I was able to take a hardship withdraw against my 401K. Not really something I wanted to do, but there weren't any other options. Family, you say? Yeah, right! Oh well. So, yesterday, I check the mail, and there's another invoice from the University. Now they want another $5,000. For the love of God! Don't know where I'm going to pull that golden nugget from. Fortunately financial aid covers the bulk of his tuition, but that $5K is the remaining balance for just one semester. Education should not cost $30K a year! That's what's wrong with this country! Well, donations to Ruffy's poor house are greatly appreciated; just saying. Guess, I'll start selling off our porn collection and toys!! Hey any interest in my cum and piss soaked jocks?
With all things Ruffy, we'll get through this, as I'm sure there's more to come. After all its only the beginning of 2012. I'll keep my paws crossed!
Now for another entry in Cruella's Crazy Corner!
Last week I thought it would be nice to take mom out for a New Years Day lunch. Granted she's on a restricted diet, but I figured a diner would be able to accommodate her needs. Well I thought it would.
We, sit down, and look over the menu.
Cruella: "There's nothing on here I can eat!"
Me: "There's plenty of options, look they have chicken, ham, mashed potatoes...."
Cruella: "I eat that crap every day."
Me: "OK, well, I can't help the fact your options are limited."
After 5 minutes, the waitress comes over to take our order.....
Waitress: "What would you like?"
Me: "We need more time, sorry."
After 25 horrifying minutes, Cruella finally decides on what she can eat from the hundreds of items on the menu.
Waitress: "OK, Honey, what would you like?"
Cruella: " I want the Baked Virginia Ham, with mashed potatoes and cottage cheese."
Waitress: "I'm sorry we're out of cottage cheese."
Cruella: (Rolling her eyes) "What kind of diner is this...SIGH" FINE, I'll have a double order of mashed."
By this time the stress in my body is building to the point where I feel like my shoulders are up to my earlobes.
The food arrives....
Cruella: "This is process ham, not real ham, I CAN'T EAT THIS!"
For the record she could have eaten it.
Waitress: "OK, would you like the chicken instead?"
Cruella: *SIGH* "I suppose!"
As Cruella begins eating her mashed potatoes waiting for her chicken, the tears start...
Cruella: "You should just take me back home. I should have never gone out. I hate my life. You're never going to take me out to lunch again."
Me: "Umm, you're right, I'm not going to take you out to eat again, you're rude and very difficult."
Cruella: "Sobbing..."
Me: "One of your other children can take you out, I do enough for you!"
The waitress brings her an enormous half of roasted chicken.
Cruella: "Well that's better."
No thank you, nothing! The poor waitress just wants us to leave.
Of course, now that she has something to eat, all the tears stop and the conversation continues about stupid mindless things. Of course confusing the name of her sister with that of my sister.
Me: "Mom, your sister is Joyce not Grace."
Cruella: "I know that!"
Me: "You keep getting them confused."
Cruella: "No I don't, I want some vanilla ice cream."
I order her some vanilla ice cream, and I think the waitress wanted to throw it in her face.
Cruella: " I CAN'T EAT THIS! That's french vanilla, its made with EGGS!"
Me: "Then don't eat it!"
Cruella: "Why did you take me here, this diner sucks!" Loud enough for everyone in the diner to hear.
I quickly pay the bill and get her ass in the car!
Tuesday morning I get a call from Cruella in tears.
Cruella: "Sam, I need Imodium, please bring me Imodium.
Me: " I'll see what I can do, ask the nurses for some."
Cruella: "They never believe me!"
Me: "OK I'll bring you some."
I call her Doctor. I wanted to check, because with diverticulitis, I don't think your supposed to just pop Imodium like candy.
Her Doctor freaks out and informs me any medication she takes has to come from him via the nurses.
I call Cruella back.
Me: "Mom, I spoke to your doctor and he said you can't have Imodium unless you ask the nurses and he orders it. You can't self medicate any more, that's why your in the home."
Cruella: "FINE" and hangs up on me.
I quickly alert my siblings about the situation and how they can't give her drugs anymore. Sure enough I get an email from my older sister. "Can mom have Imodium, she just called to have me bring her some." That tricky old lady tried to go behind my back. Hmmmm
Friday morning I get another call from Cruella in tears.
Cruella: "Sam, call the doctor, the nurses aren't helping me, I have diarrhea and its pure black. That means I'm hemorrhaging inside. They aren't doing anything for me."
Me: "What? OK, I'll call the nurses station and see what's going on.
I call, and speak to the nurse and he informs me the doctor has ordered Imodium for her and they are checking on her. Ugh, why is she calling me?
Later that afternoon, I drive up to check on her. I walk in her room, and there on the bed is a mini pharmacy. Apparently the nurses went through her hidden stash of OTC drugs, to see what she's been up to. She was not a happy camper.
Cruella: "They made me take out everything. They wanted to make sure I didn't take something that could have caused all this diarrhea."
Me: "Well the doctor said you can't have certain things, and they want to make sure you're not hurting yourself.
Then I look and see a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Me: "Have you been taking this?"
Cruella: "Yes, my stomach has been upset."
Me: "Do the nurses know?"
Cruella: "Yes, and they aren't doing anything for my blood in the stool, its was black, I'm hemorrhaging."
Me: "Your stool is black because of the Pepto Bismol , it turns your stool black! You know that!"
Cruella: "No it doesn't!"
Me: "Give me that bottle!"
I took the bottle!
UGH! All that drama for nothing!
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3 comments:
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Warm Regards
Hang in there Ruffy. Let's hope 2012 gets better for all of us.
Dealing with a 90-yr-old with dementia here, too. It is not easy, but mine is very pleasant, just not aware where she is and remembers little from the past 80 years. Smile, be pleasant, bring a little gift of pie or a bite of candy, and be glad there were better days. You make me feel fortunate!
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